did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
