just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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