Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
