As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
