I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
