I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
