tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
