Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
