i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
