Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
