You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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