So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
