Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
