We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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