4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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