He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
