i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
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