I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
