I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Randomize
