D3 body, D1 cock
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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