1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
