you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
