careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
