go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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