Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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