shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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