Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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