you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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