we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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