Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
