I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
