you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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