Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
