I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
