If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
