she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
