my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize