He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
