I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
