So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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