i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Congratulations! We have a period
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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