What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
