Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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