Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
