I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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