I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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