I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
3 2 1 whiskey
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