I'm eating all of the evidence.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
