now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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