my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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