Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
