Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
