good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
