If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
