did you get engaged???
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
