Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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