a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize