I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
