kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
