haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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