We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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