i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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