I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize