She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
